Stoicism for a Better Life – Weekly exercise (April 19, 2020)

Hello there,

For this exercise, let us seek some inspiration from Epictetus’ Discourses III 24 84:

“Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don’t treat it like a part of yourself but as a breakable glass, so when it falls you will remember that and won’t be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don’t layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish , but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn’t one of your possessions, but something given for now, not forever…”

Loss is one of our deepest fears. It always has been. To a modern-day go-getter, the loss of a home, investment, materials, fortune, title, etc would seem like the worst thing that can happen. For a partner, the loss of their loved one would seem unbearable. As a parent, the loss of a child seems like the end of all days and our purpose to live. Whatever your particular situation, you have many things you are afraid to lose, and many others that you fear losing so much that you don’t even want to think about it.

But stop and truly consider this fear for a moment. The universe will do what it does. It is too powerful and has a lot more variables under its control than our meagre efforts. We may try and influence it to move in a certain direction, and succeed momentarily, but ultimately we’re like an ant trying to control which way the stick we’re on goes, while it surges down the torrent.

Loss is one of our deepest fears. This is built into our DNA. We all have things we dread losing and suppress our thoughts about it and ignore it. Ignoring it or pretending it can’t happen, however, does not make things any better. No matter how strong, invincible or forever something feels, it never is. So this week as a practical exercise, identify something you are afraid of losing (don’t deceive yourself…look deep into the recesses of your ignored and suppressed emotions and feelings). Then sit down and write about it. Don’t ignore it…don’t run away from it…think about it and write about it in your journal every day for a few days. By the end, you will feel better about it and more capable of accepting it

When you identify your fear that you have been actively avoiding, come on by and tell me on Twitter. We can exchange notes on what our fears are and help motivate each other to accept it and deal with it logically instead of running and hiding from it.

Anderson Silver

(Author of “Your User’s Manual” and “Vol 2: Your Duality Within”)