Stoicism for a Better Life – Weekly exercise (August 9, 2020)

Hello there, 

For this week’s exercise, I will look for inspiration from Epictetus’ Discourses IV 1.141&142:

“Be careful how you take the news – I won’t say that your child dies, because you couldn’t possibly tolerate that – but that your cruet of oil fell over. Or that someone drank up all your wine. Anyone finding you in despair might well say, simply, ‘Philosopher, you sang a different tune in school.’ ”  

This is an exercise that Epictetus tells his students often enough. Detaching ourselves from externals sounds easy in principle, and it can be depending on the object of our attention or affection. Over the past two months, I saw my favourite glasses being dropped mistakenly by other members of the household, until all four ended up in shard in the garbage can. In the “before times” when I didn’t have this simple honest perspective (that all externals are mine only temporarily), I would have been very upset over this ufortunate and unlikely sequence of events. But thanks to Epictetus’ lessons over the years, I have been able to detach myself from objects and deal with their loss with equanimity.

Can you do the same? Depending on your personality you may already be able to do this. Or like me, you may have to learn and re-educate yourself not to care so much about objects (I say re-educate because this excessive and unhealthy love of possessions is a poison that has been taught to us in the western world). But what about the loss of people?

Loss of things may be an easier lesson to learn and practice, but the loss of a loved one may be a harder pill to swallow. Here’s the thing though: We will all suffer the loss of loved ones. We can’t actually prepare ourselves for this as we won’t face it until it happens. But we can strengthen our volition by practicing letting go with smaller things…like your favourite glass or mug.

So as a practical exercise this week, try and identify something that you feel regret, anger, or any type of affliction over having lost and take the time to reflect on it. Was it actually ever yours to lose? Was there any certainty that you would never lose it? Does the universe owe you this thing? Are your wishes (e.g. that you hadn’t lost it) reasonable? Reflect on these feelings, and next time you lose something you may be able to tap into this logical sequence of thoughts more quickly.

I wish you a tranquil and productive week. As always, let’s keep the conversation going, and help each other along this journey of self-improvement.

Anderson Silver

(Author of “Your User’s Manual” and “Vol 2: Your Duality Within”)