Stoicism for a Better Life – Weekly exercise (November 8, 2020)

Hello there, 

For this week’s exercise, let us circle back to Seneca (It’s been a while). This is from his moral letters to Luciluis, I 7.1:

“Do you ask me what you should regard as especially to be avoided? I say, crowds; for as yet you cannot trust yourself to them with safety.”  

You have two ears and one mouth, so the gods/logos/universe/nature must want you to listen twice more than you talk right? Well okay, that’s not how evolution works, but the point remains valid. If we want to cultivate our relationships with other people, what do you think will be more conducive towards this goal: Lecturing or listening? How can you lecture if you don’t listen first to understand the need, if any, of the listener? Any which way you look at it, listening (as opposed to lecturing) helps connect with people. So, as our ancient guides remind us, listen to your fellow human beings, don’t perform for them. 

We like to think we are the main character in our own TV show and this is normal, for we are the center and main character of our own narrative from our own internal perspective. However, never forget that our narrative is one that exists in tangent with 7.6 billion other narratives. There are tons more of other points of view out there that are not your own egocentric view.

So as a practical exercise this week, avoid making mention at great length and excessively of your own deeds, dangers, ideas or accomplishments in your conversations. It is not as pleasant for others to hear about your adventures, as it is for you to call to mind your own dangers. Instead, truly try and listen to what others are saying. Don’t just wait for them to finish what they are saying before you grab the first opportunity to jump in with your own stories and ideas.

If you feel comfortable, do share some of your stories. It may very well help inspire others. I wish you a tranquil and productive week.

Anderson Silver

(Author of “Your User’s Manual”, “Vol 2: Your Duality Within”, and Vol 3: Your Dichotomy of Control)